Munching on $80+ million

AUSTRALIANS will gamble on two flies. crawling up a wall, they say.

Aussie bookmaker Tom Waterhouse is currently betting on how much Edvard Munch’s painting The Scream will fetch at a Southey’s auction this month.

Waterhouse has previously wagered on the winners of reality shows such as Dancing with the Stars and The Voice to add a bit of zest to mundane wagers on political elections and Academy Awards.

Waterhouse’s mother is leading Australian racehorse trainer Gai and the bookie regularly reports on Monday how punters cleaned him out on Saturday backing Mum’s horses such as great mare More Joyous and unbeaten 2-year-old Pierro. It is always ``Mum’s horse” though it is a surprise the trainer does not say, "When I am in a professional capacity, it is Ms Waterhouse to you, sonny boy.”

Tom Waterhouse needs to bet on an exotic event such as the Southeby’s auction to recoup some of the damage Mum’s ponies have reeked on the bottom line. It does not hurt that weird bets attract media attention, something London bookie Ladbrokes worked out decades ago.

I do not know how much Tom and Mum know about art but I would like to think it is a lot. It is comforting to believe wealthy people might slip a few stray bucks the way of artists.

Here is Tom’s analysis of the race to buy The Scream or Le Cri, in the land of the Oo-La-La.

``Sotheby's in New York is auctioning one of four versions of The Scream created by Edvard Munch and, as the only version owned privately, tomwaterhouse.com is betting $1.90 that it breaks the US$106.5 million record set by Pablo Picasso's Nude, Green Leaves and Bust two years ago.
"Of the four versions of The Scream, the one that's up for sale is the most colourful and the only one whose frame was hand-painted by Munch to include his poem detailing the work's inspiration.

"Sotheby's has listed The Scream at $80 million, the highest pre-sale value that the auctioneer has ever put on an artwork but even that figure looks somewhat conservative given the level of interest in the famous painting.”

So here’s the market.

The Scream sale price (including the buyer's premium)

$5 Less than US$80m

$10 US$80m to US$89,999,999

$9 US$90m to US$99,999,999

$4 US$100m to US$106.5m

$1.90 More than USD 106.5m

I am sure my gambling anti-hero Steele Hill would have a wager after consultation with arty girlfriend Natalie and polymath-bookie mentor, the Gooroo.

As a punter and an art fancier, I think Tom and his crue have got the market way wrong.

Tom admits there are four paintings of The Scream though he fails to mention the brace of Munch lithographs. This contrasts with one Picasso Nude, Green Leaves and Bust.

The prose-poem embedded in the frame is Munch’s reflection on how he came to paint The Scream.

I am not sure how many millions it is worth.

I was walking along a path with two friends –

the sun was setting –  suddenly the sky turned blood red –

I paused, feeling exhausted, and leaned on the fence –

there was blood and tongues of fire above the blue-black fjord and the city –

my friends walked on, and I stood there trembling with anxiety –

and I sensed an infinite scream passing through nature.

That is my versification, BTW. I am not sure how Munch does it on the frame.

I reckon the best bet is the $5 shot, less than $80 million, though I would make sure the bookie wrote the ticket as fewer than $80 million.

Check out this blog shortly to see who is right.

If you wish to smile about the place of quirky Australia in the Universe buy my book 7 Shouts from Google eBooks or Amazon.

   7 Shouts Google                           7 Shouts Amazon

Lucie Lit Unleashes

Another guest column from Lucretia Lit this week.

Oh those poor ex-husbands of hers. How they must 

have suffered

Cheers

Bernie

Messaging my Glitoris

with Lucretia Lit

Column 3                                                    

A REGULAR highlight of my exciting life is the arrival of Futurebook: The Bookseller's digital publishing email.

The Bookseller represents those poor sweeties who own bricks and mortgage bookshops.

My writer friends and I have a running lottery on how many lines in before Future books begins its first bash at the Evil Giant Amazon.

No one won this week as it was a whopping 11 lines in before the Big A received its first mention.

The lottery jackpots and we were all disappointed. Our sorrow turned to joy when we read this sentence during the second attack.

``I've heard time and time again recently that Amazon is all about scale, and it is this that will finally kill off publishers, unable to compete against this ruthless behemoth.’’

Those hyperbole pills are really working for you, Bookseller, dearie.

Having you comment on digital books is like Dracula taking deposits at a blood bank. Bazoomko!  https://mail.google.com/mail/#inbox/136e41472331fee9

K. M. Luvvie, don’t worry about that nasty man who said you should stop writing about capital and start trying to accumulate it. That gag is about as funny as a rejection slip. You on the other hand, Karlo, have all those sweet Dad jokes in your books. Scewadum!

NICE to see respected Pakastani journalist Irfan Husain at the recent London Book Fair. The international guest wrote,

``Located at Earl’s Court, London’s enormous exhibition hall, the fair brought together literally hundreds of publishers. Indeed, when I asked an official at the media centre for the exact number, she couldn’t give me a figure. ‘’

Irfan, honey, we know you mean it as a compliment. But that says more about the calibre of British journalists than the resilience of bricks and mortgage bookstores. Uwhacanini!

P. W. matey, don’t take this the wrong way and it is only a question. We know that you are the only Australian Nobel Laureate for literature and that’s wonderful because most Aussies think reading is a jail Oscar Wilde went to. But Patty, yer ol’ bastard, has anyone actually finished one of your books. Nobellaba!                                                                 

Ms Poison Pen returns

Another guest column from Lucretia Lit this week.

She is awful; can't wait to see what she has to reveal.

Cheers

Bernie

Messaging my Glitoris

with Lucretia Lit

Column 2

NAUGHTY New Hampshire author Jodi Picoult has been going around insulting all those cute self-publishing writers.

Ms P was being interviewed on something odd called the Daily Beast. (one of my ex-husbands used to always wake up with that – how tiresome for me).Her advice to aspiring authors was an emphatic “do not self-publish’’.

Jodi dear, you  published your first novel, Songs of the Humpback Whale way back in 1992. Let the new kiddies play with their lit toys anyway they want. Screeeowww!

TSE, Sweetie, you were quite right to lock Viv away in that mental hospital.

It was either you or her. What havoc recitations of your poetry would have caused to the already damaged minds of other inmates. Tseekah!

NO such excuses  for you, J-J R, you Swiss scoundrel. Fancy surrendering you children to a foundling hospital.

And all that nonsense about religions being equally good. Are you mad? Oh, that’s right you are and don’t go blaming your critics for that.

There is no better religion than good old Christianity. I have offended against it many times and have always been forgiven. AROOSHKA!

OH, say it’s not you, Danny. When a book thumps the table with the title Whitney Amy Michael Elvis – Superstars are not Superhuman, it sends shivers up my spine – shivers of dread.

The author is accredited as D T Pollard. One D..T.. Pollard we know is Danny, of the clan, who wrote the successful Rooftop Diva: A Novel of Triumph After Katrina.

We know authors have to eat but do they have to do it through books which prevent readers keeping their food down. KABUSTED!

OOOH, Alex Crawford, luvie, it’s not all about you. Alex is a girl with a boy’s name . She works for Sky News, is most macho, and fits in well at Rupee’s Boys’ Club.

In February Alex in Libya sent an endearing story to Sky TV viewers about a freedom fighter who found one of Colonel Gaddafi’s hats. He may well have been among the freedom fighters who later ruthlessly butchered an unarmed Gaddafi, begging for clemency.

Geez, brave Alex, why not a book about your few days in Libya when the locals were kind enough to put on a war for you?

Let’s call it Colonel Gaddafi’s Hat to assure readers it’s your memoir without any of the big-picture guff.

And we thought all the fun and shallowness of Sky could not a book make. The cash registers go Kachinski!

Send your literary Goss to Lucretia. Email bentbananabooks@gmail.com

BBB on KDP and OK

THE three Bent Banana Books eTitles  Can you believe it... 5 Strong Bricks in the Wall and 7 Shouts are now available on Amazon Kindle.

Kindle accounts for about 65% of the eBook market. The three books are also available at Google eBooks for those who own eReaders other than Kindle.

Bent Banana Books managing editor Bernie Dowling said the books will continue to be available through Google eBooks and its partners

``The Google eBook store is a pleasant way for readers to shop but two in three eBooks are sold to be read on Kindles,'' Mr Dowling said.

The book 7 Shouts written by Mr Dowling is a humorous  interactive journey through modern culture where city and country meet.

``I have YouTube, Wiki and email links, the sorts of things you cannot do in a print book,'' Mr Dowling said.

7 Shouts sells for $8.06. Visit7 Shouts

Can you believe it...  is a literary collection of 24 contemporary short stories, each illustrated by an an accomplished visual artist.``Again it is something you do not get in other books, either electronic or print, original illustrations by serious artists,'' Mr Dowling said. It costs $8.20 Visit BELIEVE

5 Strong Bricks in the Wall is a collection of five illustrated short stories from a longer anthology.

``It is a sampler, if you like, and sells for $3.29,'' Mr Dowling said. Visit BRICKS

Bent Banana Books is a boutique publishing house which promises books which are different.

Free previews of its books are available on the website links section. Visit www.bentbananabooks.com.au